know_real_love

My Critical, yet overloved depression...

2005-06-14T23:22:08Z

Why do people pretend to care the way they do and how can you ever tell the difference between a true friend and a "friend"???

I love timmy...he's prolly thebiggest thing ever. He's so sweet and he loves me and i love him so much. I really truely, think we're acually going to last a while, for a least, the very minimum of the whole summer. But, timmy's not the biggest deal right now.

My hardest things are dealing with my home life and my friends.

Home life i really don't even want to get into right now cus it just makes me more upset about it. Talking about it really sucks...

Friends...well summers coming obviously and idk...ceaton matters to me...timmy matters to me...dave sorta matters to me...anthoney is a sumwhat...and idk about sum other people. I don't know who to call friends nemore. I can't tell the difference. Today i went to daves house for their little band practice thing(really just talking) but w*e...i kissed timmy maybe twice and they started fliping out on me on how if im gonnabe like that with him then i can't go er sumthing like that. First off...i love timmy. End of story no fucking questions asked. second...their saying all this crap acting like this band is going to get them far in life and im telling you, it's not...their gonna turn out to be 30 with no jobs, cars or houses, living with their parents.(with some exceptions)...i swear i was gonna fucking explode when anthoney looked at timmy and tried telling him not to care about going to school in aug or to get his truck...i wanted to fucking scream. But i just burst out crying. Ceaton stood making me feel better. Then...good lord...anthoney comes in trying to say stuff about tim loves me and everythings gonna be ok...IT'S REALLY NOT MY BABY I'M WORRIED ABOUT BITCH!!!!.....i can't say noone understands cus timmy and ceaton do...but i really really dunno who to trust...for now...it's noone...

ttyl...

jess*

Good Days...

2005-06-05T02:57:32Z

Wow....things are acually feeling much better than the other day...when i was leaving that other journal, i was on the phone with ceaton crying about reading her live journal and she explained to me that she made mistakes and stuff and told me her password so i could delete them...so i felt better...then i felt like crap yesterday cus of tim and today sort of but i have the best of friends...(amanda s, anthoney, dave, ceaton) they made me laugh and i felt a lot better thinking to myself, guys can matter to me 5 er 10 years from now, i have to cherish what i have with my friends...i think i've finally acualy found friends who really don't take advantage of me nemore either...it's kewl...

OK...now this whole thing with tim...idk...i acualy really like him but i have to wait for him to choose. i don't want to rush him or nething...i just feel that if he really has to choose and it's taking him so long, maybe he doesn't like me enough...but then again, i could be wrong...then theres dj...i miss him...he just got out of the hospitol, i think...i talked to leanne on friday too and she was asking me why i broke up with him. I kinda didn't want to be honest with her either. I'm still kinda scared of her...lol...

well...i gots more to do so i'll updat more later...

love me>*!

Why Is it all messed up?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

2005-06-02T23:16:27Z

Day's like this is when i feel like noone care abouts me...i just read ceatons llive journal and it's got all this stuff about me screwing guys and past stuff and it's really gay...i know it's from past stuff...but idk...ceaton has no idea how much she means to me. She my best freind in the whole world and everything sucks...

I LOVE YOU CEATON!!!!!!!!!!!!

Caz carnivale was fun but it doesn't take the pain away....everythings always waiting for me somewhere...skool, home...EVERYWHERE!!!...Dave is the sweetest...tim is sweet...and i have to wait for him to anwser me...

Everything is so fucking messed up....more later...

love jessica....

fuck the world....and everyone in it...

Took me fucking long enough...*

2005-05-15T21:26:02Z

This world fucking amazes me...<3

The out takes of Freshmen year*

FRIENDS!

i have the best friend in the world. i wonder everyday how me and ceaton have gotten through about 14 years of not killing eachother. i think it's a fricken miricle...lol...She my "sista!" and i doubt i'd be living right now without her. I can't believe looking at myself how i got through my first year of high school, and it's because of ceaton. When i was crying, she was there, when i was laughing, she was there, When i was freaking out about getting my ass kicked, she was there, when i wanted to beat the hell out of someone, she was there. I always got my sista to back me up and i hope she knows how much she means to me...<3 So many people were there for me, but there are people i will never forget...these people i may have trusted too much sometimes...but i don't think i'd be here without them...Pablo, katie j, becky, timmie, chaz, wojo, allie, rachel, devon, amanda v, amanda w, nick, brent, andy j, matt s, katie b, pumba, rachel, corey, matt b, cheryl, levi, alicia, tori, ariana, jami, katie w, danielle, mark h, mark b, angie, jodi, jim, tim t, becca, santana, sammy, shawn, bobbi, buzzi, steve, matty, justin, caroline, jeff, noelle, stephie, kate t, tom, andy j, ...blank mind now...

Some of these people prolly hated me in their minds and may still do. I know of certian ones that do. Friends come and go, but you always have yourself. At one point in this year, i prolly would have taken a bullet for each one of these fuckers... True people who love you for you with lawyas be there and it's taken me prolly about the whole year to really know that. I still count on some of these people to love me and be there for me and they are...but some brothers and sisters get into your blood, and the memories, no matter how slahsed at they get, will never leave your mind...

GUYS~wow...where to begin. Now, every girl has had her heart broken someway or another. Weather your a girl like me in high school, or u cry at the playground because your pretend boyfriend calls you a poopie head and says u have cooties, you still cry. You still get hurt. In some friends and my parents eyes, their boys and i dont know real love and i'm immature with it and all that. But to me, thats not true. I've had something special with each one of these boys, and some people may not see that becus they just see it, their not in the relationship or in my heart...they can't feel it. Naming each one from the begining may make me cry, but still...Ace, dj, andy, erik, wojo, timmie, matt, corey...wow...now that i name them, it doesn't seem like a lot...Now again, i'm in what i call love. Dj means the world to me and i wouldn't trade him for anything. He's in my future right now as far as i can see, and i'm not changing that...

Grades~ I've been up and down, but i know i'll be just fine. In my life, i can succeed. I have my own dreams and the people who don't want to believe in me and help me with them can stay where they are, cus im gonna keep running through this thing i call life.

Remembering past parties, times cutting, smoking, getting drunk, dancing in the rain, driving around, sleep overs, fights, detentions, late night talks, crying, laughing, movies, the mall, guys, girls, depressions, total happiness, talking, whispering, silence, plans, walks, jogging, future, past, present, musics, concerts, talks with my mom, headbanging, moshing, fucking amazing ass times is what really makes me believe that these are the BEST years of our lives. I mean, this is just freshmen year, what about 10, 11, and 12!!! ssshhheeesshhh!...All i need to remember if sometime sim wrong and sometimes im right, but everyone gets through everything eventualy...

All i know is...I'm gonna continuse too...laugh randomly, go out with people totally wrong, smile, sing like noones listening, dance in the rain, scream, never stop talking, fall in love, hold hands with someone special, kick ass, tell myself im beautiful, rock my own world!

So remember this...

If it's meant to happen it will, everything happens for a reason, you can get through anything with faith, believing is knowing what's going on, Live is always fun, Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up...

Hey!...they gotta tell ya something...

thanks to everyone who was a part of me this year. I may be gone, but i'm still here, love and be loved...cus if your here for me, you gotta know i love you....

<3love always* jess*

Won't have too...

2005-05-11T18:52:08Z

me and my best friend in the world are reunitied!!!!! YAY!!!!! I'm in love too....again....dj is so sweet. LOVE!!! Everyone has been helping me the get through what i've wanted and i love it all... i love you dj JESS + CEATON BFFE!!!! I'm never going to do what i did 2 months ago. Corey was a mistake. I love ceaton more(not like that) and she means the world to me. Shes my best friend and she has been since we were god knows how old. Our friendship is so strong. I was so scared when we stoped being friends and i knew i had made a mistake. Ceaton is my sister and i love her very very much. She has been my friend through thick and thin and i hope she knows i will always be there for her. I LOVE YOU CEATON HELEN AND I ALWAYS WILL!!!!!!!! BFFE!*~ G2G throuh....more later.. <love jess*

Why Bother?...becus people still believe...!

2005-04-22T01:07:58Z

Hard...yet im getting through...uh, life is so stressful and all i have is stress....my depression is not controling me...im gonna take a stand and be happy...i'll get through this...i promise it to myself...and if i break that promsie...it'll kick the crap outta me...

tired...update more later...<3jess*

know_real_love @ 2005-04-11T13:08:00

2005-04-11T20:25:31Z

SoOoOoO...My weekend was Ok i guess...Here it goes...

Friday~Nothing much interesting...Becca slept over and we watched saw...

Saturday~Becca and me went to the mall for a few hours...then we came back to my hosue and santana called and her and corey came over...So me, corey, matt, shawn, becca, and santana were all chilling on the corner by the park...then drove over so corey could put the top on the truck...then santana said i could come sleep @ sisters house and i thought it was kewl so i was like ok...so corey drove us there...that was interesting *lol* then me and her just chilled until the kids and sammy got there...that was fun. We sat there talking about how cheryl can't shut up and sammy really looks fine...shes kewl though...those kids are munants though...lol...Then during the night, santana and i talked about me and corey ALOT and her and shawn ALOT...so we were teasing him about it in the morning...lol

Sunday~Santana and i got all dress up and pretty...corey and sammy came over and we chilled...he seemed to not care when i told santana about the stuff but a couple things me and her slipped out and he got all pissed off...he drove me home and we argued like all the way there...then i called him and apoligized when i got home...we were on the phone for like 2 1/2 hours talking about emotional stuff and crying and just me and him period...but then he pissed me off and made me cry again cus i said i love u too him before we hung up and he's like yeah, whatever...errr him...

But im ok i guess...me, becca and santana are getting close so im getting better...i said to corey last night im sorry for fucking up his life and that maybe i should go away cus that's all i seem to do to everyone, but he said thats not true and all this other stuff...if u really wanna kno...ask me...

<3jess*

Santana + I sing this song to Corey<3!

You Oughta Know

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on your in a theater
Does she speak eloquently?
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to but you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're sill alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Fading Away...Prolly forever...

2005-04-04T00:28:37Z

"Never make someone you priority when you are only their option"

Corey...</3 Well my hearts still a little broken, but what's the difference...i tried even after we broke up, and i don't think it's gonna happen...so w*e...im kinda trying to hook up him and santana, but she don't really like him like that, so bah....*lol*

SoOoOoO...nothing else is new...idk...i guess i'll update later...<3me*

Life's little broken hearts</3

2005-03-29T22:10:36Z

"Don't make someone you priority when you are only their option"

What's new? well, my parents are still pissed about the whole party thing...idk, daddy's leaving 2marrow again so we're spose to talk about how long im grounded for...i've been grounded for 2 weeks already, i really don't want to miss my whole vacation. Especialy with this whole thing with corey, i want to be with him again, that way both of us can at least act like nothings different...

Speaking of corey</3 we're definatly not going out nemore. We finalized it i guess...i think he has another girl already too....stupid ass...then he's sitting there, pretending to care about me cutting and crap, when it's really that he doesn't want to feel guilty...well, @ this point, i think i could pull my broken in 5 million pieces heart out of my chest, and it still would not ruin his day...it's amazing, i protect him so much with my parents...my only weakness is that i care about him way too much...

I think my mom's friend darlene helped me to relise something. We were all sitting @ the table talking about this stuff with the party, corey, and what not and my mom brought up the fact of my past problem with people...maybe i don't want to let go of this tiny friendship i have with some of these people because i feel like i have nothing left to turn too...i honestly dunno who to trust nemore...i do love corey though...i mean even to think this, but corey used to be one of those people who i had problems with...

Anyway, what else to say? Corey was spose to come over and talk to my dad and stuff 2day...we have dealt with sooooooo much stuff....idk...i want to go out again so i can feel batter...

Call me for full detail...if i trust u enough to tell u...love jess*

Broken once again</3

2005-03-24T14:46:14Z

I knew it...I knew he was lying...It's amazing, i almost had myself convinced, he meant everything he said... Yeah, corey and me are taking a "break" but...idk...i guess he says we might go out again...i love him oh so much...but i guess he says he needs a break because he doesn't know if he feels the way i do about him to me...it's really complicated...we sat there huggin, both of us crying while my parent screamed the hell out of him because they found out about the ummm....yeah...and idk...it's so messed up right now. I just want corey to know how much i love and care about him and that will never change...I know he still cares about me...the thing he was most worried about was me hurting myself. and truth is i won't lie, i did want to and part of me still does. I feel like im loosing the people i care about most very slowly, but then again, corey reassures me that me and him will stay very close and he just needs time... Dad came home early...once again...i missed him and even though im grounded and stuff, im glad he's home ok... well, not much else to say, pray for me... <3 me

Still Holding On....<3

2005-03-22T01:37:56Z

:'(*tears*...acually, non stop. I dunno....so, i'll update...

Things have been a little mixed up...where do i begin?...well, my dads coming home 2marrow....My mom yells @ me about things and says stuff like, wait till your father gets home, im sure you won't walk away from him...She acts like im spose to be afraid of him. I don't think any child ever should be afraid of their own dad...and especialy me and mine...but im kinda getting prepared for the forever feeling grounding. God for what i'd do to just spend on full day with corey again...i know mom says it too, but i would not trade that week for anything. I certianly would not do the party again though. I wished i could have just made it me, corey, cheryl and levi. I mean, it would have been nice, sweet, and acully, a lot more civilized...but, no time machiene, can't go back in time...

Speaking of corey<3....oh lord...i honestly don't know what i have to say about any of this anymore. I know my parents and sister would prolly care none the less if corey broke up with me, but he keeps reasuring me he's not...i just feel like when i talk to matt or even buzzi about it, i feel like they know something i don't. Corey and me have been weird lately. He tells me he loves me and idk...i feel like he could care less about me too. I don't think it's because im grounded, because if he really wanted to see me, he'd make an effort...comment me if you know anything....

Remember when i told you about that note on my locker...well...idk, i was kinda depressed for a couple days about it because it's over and done with, and the meeting went ok( very,very long story), but i still felt like stuff like that happens to me, and has for a long time, and people in this school system still can't do a thing about it...it sucks...if someone really wants to take the time to think that up and do all of that, they really don't want me here...and the reasurence of the people who do love me( not my family, but my friends and boyfriend) have kinda went down...very much so...and i dunno what to do anymore...

But...what can you do...i wanted to wait for everything, but life doesn't wait for you to decide, it just happens...and mine is going by my eyes like wind...i just want to spend another day with corey, just me and him, i just want to be able to trust my friends again, i just want to make my parent proud of their little girl...i want to be the perfect teenager i always imagined myself, but with how much i've screwed up, i don't think that's ever going to happen....so i'll live with what i have...for now...

Love you all...

Jess + Corey Forever*

<3me*

itty bitty bit better...

2005-03-18T19:08:18Z

Hey.....grounded....can't update much, but im letting you know about this...nothing mager has happened...and i'll let u know about why im grounded later...i love ya'll...

<3jess+corey forever*

love me*

Why is this world so cruel?

2005-03-15T19:18:48Z

GRRRRR...why is it that everything in your world can be ruined by the past being brought up? Today was going totally great....then after lunch i went to my locker. I hadn't acually been in the cafe, i was spending time with mrs boody because my arms were driving me crazt. Anyway, i went to my locker and noticed a piece of paper stuck to it. I tore it off, opened my locker, put my books in, and continued to walk to class....then i read the note. It read: IF YOU THINK ABOUT SUICIDE SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL YOURSELF? DO IT, PLEASE! I just stood in one place. I was going to ignore it, but i ran into amanda, hugged her and started to cry. She asked me what was wrong and i showed it to her and told her what had happened. She took me to see mr sorce(assi. princeipal.) He was in a meeting, so me and amanda waited in attendance...he came out, we told him the story, he sent her back to class, and sent me down to guidence.....then i talked to mrs smith, she set it up so that im going to see officer beback 2marrow with who we think was involved...(melissa miller, leanne, and catty) 2marrow's just melissa....idk...i'll talk more about that later... So....i told ceaton about corey yesterday, and she was acually really excited. Shes already planning double dates with me and corey and her and chaz....lol...yeah..right...j\p///but im gonna go rome the halls until 3 when corey gets here...wish me luck on 2marrow...love jess*

Soulmates?<3

2005-03-14T19:24:58Z

SoOoOoOoO....i've been ok lately...let's see.... This weekend was fun. Mom was in FA, but shes coming back tonight, we have to go pick her up @ the airport. Sissy and me had a lot of fun but i missed mom, plus...the house was really messy. OK...corey....obviously i still really love him and care about him. So i guess u could call us a couple...but we never asked eachother out...until last night. We were bored so we took the van and parked over in the spot. We just chilled, layed in the back seat talking....here was his exact words... Corey__Jess, i love you so much. i don't know what i'd ever do without you. Me__I love you too hunni...*confused* Corey__no, i really love you. You my dream girl and my soulmate. and even with the stuff we go through and the concerns of ceaton, we might still have something....you know what i mean. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I started crying right there. He felt so bad...i told him it was becasue i was happy....but im scared becasue of my feelings....i told him im not gonna anwser and i have to talk to ceaton about it, but shes not in school today. I'm gonna call her when i get home. Coreys picking me up and we have to go run some arons first. everything else is ok i guess...if you want some mager details on this weekend...call me or im me or talk to me in school...ok....love jess*

A Love Hangover....

2005-03-06T18:50:01Z

Ok....so...i haven't updated in a little bit...so let's catch up...

DJ*</3...i think im finally gonna give up and give him the space he wants...He's way to confusing!!! One day he comes up to me after school, tells me he misses me and that he loves me and will do anything to get me back, then the next day leanne comes up to me in the morning and tells me to stay away from him...the basis of that was that i figured she was covering because melissa likes him...but i guess it's because they think im going around, telling everyone that deej drugged me. Things have been said, but i don't even believe it anymoer...i don't know...i guess i lost what me and deej had left for now...

You can quote me* You can threaten me, beat me, break my bones, or even make me bleed, but you can never take the love i have for that boy out of my heart...*

AnYwAy___what else? my mom left yesterday morning for FA with my daddy for their aniversery...14 years!...*lol*...and my sister had this HUGE party with all her friends...corey came over and chilled for a lil while...that way i didn't feel like the biggest baby...i get to repay her with it all and have a huge party with all my friends next weekend...mommies not coming back till next monday...KEWL....i love my big sis and i love hanging out with her and her friends...i watched her as she got ready yesterday and i think i concluded that i have the kewlest sister of all time...we have to spend more time together and go get my very late christmas present...(big black knee boots and jeans) im spose to get my cartaliage peirced too but idk if thats still happening...but last night was SOOOO much fun...then i ahd to come to work this morning and i woke up to people still @ the house and beer bottles all over the kitchen table...Ryan was there too(lead Astray)...ceaton got jealous when i told her though cus shes like obsessed over him...oh yeah...isk if i talked about the stuff that went down with corey and ceaton, but i knida , mostly fixed everything...but w*e....i'll just ahve to adjust...ceaton kinda does still get pissed @ corey for being an idiot...i told him one rule for next weekends party...people...busy? Sure!....levi? absoulutly!...shawn? No problem, i can deal, BUT THERE WILL BE NO SIGN OF STEVE, RICKY OR MATTY....corey acts like such an ass around them and i really don't want him and ceaton fighting that night...cus i love cea and i don't want her to be upset, i want her to have a good time cus she definatly deserves it...BFFE!!! I LOVE YOU CEATON!!!!...

ANYWAY...i should be going home soon and im gonna help my sis clean up whats left of that party...i think i should cus shes gonna help me next weekend for clean up...love ya'll and if u want some real detalis of the party...give me a call if u kno my digits....

love jess*

</3 broken hearted...but still living surprisingly...im ALOT...ALOT better.....SINGLE FOR 14 DAYS!;-)

MAGERLY!...Screwed Up*

2005-03-01T14:53:01Z

Ok....so last night was hell....it started off a really good day... school was ok, i was pretty giglley all the way through.....then corey picked me up and we went over to his house....we were hanging out as usual...when my sister called and said i had to come home and be alone....ok? I get home and matt is there(ERRR....it pissed me off) anyway, she says that i was wrong and i was late, when we were just about to head over to my house neway....???? So...then we find out that corey wants to like kill matt from when he asked out ceaton( or asked for a chance, w*e)....so...then my mom and sister butt in, all hell breaks and im screaming to the top of my lungs to mind her own business.... Then...corey and ceaton are like mad @ me now....idk....i didn't out right tell corey, i honestly thought he knew...and cea still thinks that if they were to break up, i'd go out with corey....nope...told ya already, i know it's chicks b4 dicks all the way...me and corey might become closer and fool around, but it would never get to that serious of a point... SOooOOooOOooOOooOO... Now everyone Thinks i had motives about talking to corey about the whole thing and that i want to break up ceaton and corey...errr....i hate it, i was taught to always deal with my own problems and stuff but now that im finally really happy, i feel like my mom and sister( not so much my mom) try to take it away from me....idk...maybe it's cus they are worried about me, but i feel like it's cus my sister didn't have as much freedom as i do...w*e... I'm gonna try to see if corey will pick me up after skool....me balling my eyes out in front of him last night was the only thing that made him walk away from steve and come inside...and he says he likes me and cares about me....but i yelled @ him last night....I was like u tell me u like me and u think it won't effect me...seeing him and ceaton is so hard, but i deal with it because they deserve eachother....thats why i never said nething...idk... w*e...im in skool so i'll talk more later.... love jess*

Loving One Day At A Time...without the love...

2005-02-24T23:40:13Z

SoOoOoOooOooOooO...i've been kinda down today...idk...

i got lectured as soon as i woke up...my mom read what i wrote last night about matt and...idk...i feel weird...

Me and matt just chilled all day today and we kinda talked with my mom...i think he'll get over me soon...

I wrote this in my buddyprofile today...

Corey~_Hey baby...omg...we've been through so much in the past months...i swear you have to be my lost brother. Thanks for protecting me with guys(dj, wojo, timmie, ect) and dealing with friends, and family and what-not. I swear, i dunno where i'd be without you. Your my everything and one of my bestfriends. I feel like we've known eachother for forever. Our memories will always stay true. I know in the begining of me moving into the court, me and you weren't friends, but im glad you changed your mind. You changed me and my life corey. Thanks for ignoring steve, shawn and all them. Your have no idea how much it means to me that your on my side with all this crap...i've always felt like i had to back myself up on it, and i know i still do. I just feel like with you, and my other bestfriends there to help me, i have someone to fall back on, and a shoulder to cry on. We're always here for eachother baby....My big brother...*I LOVE YOU*...Memories_~Driving around randomass times, chilling with matt and ceaton, that night with shawn(EW!), stupid homeless idiot, your grandparents, chilling with my mom, my sister and her boyfriend shooting you with the BB guns, all those times talking in my room and your basement, movies(napolien dynimite, love don't cost a thing ect)...more to come...<3jess*

Matt_~Hey baby...look, we've had some good and some bad times. Me and you have gotten through the good and the bad and you know i care and love you. Maybe we'll have some-what of a future, but right now your my bestfriend and thats how it's gonna stay...we have the best memories...so many fun times...Sleepovers, smoking, chillin wit corey, night with shawn(really akward), marie(MY BABY!), your brother trying to hang wit us, elaine,...more to come...i want our memories to last and i never want what we have to be ruined...thanks for sticking up for me all those times, but this is what i need to explain...i told you the other night that coreys easier to talk to, but thats not just it...i need to stand on my own baby, and corey let's me do that. DOn't think because me and cor are so close, that me and you are any more or less closer...i love you just as much....<3 jess*

My boys, my babies, my big brothers...i love you!*<3

My boys have't read it yet, but i think matt has kinda read part of it...idk...coreys gonna come over and read it after work...

Well~I'm gonna go...I LOVE YOU...oh yeah, if you wanna see my new page it...www.darkstarlings.com...and my name is CherrieBomber420..check it out...Love jess*

Should i Bother Believing Anymore?.....

2005-02-24T00:26:07Z

SooOooOooOooOooO....yeah...

Nothing really interesting has happened since the other day...I've relized i have the most protective big brothers in the world and they love me...well they care about me...I HEART YOU COREY AND MATT!!!!

1 thing bothers me...i hate that my mom keeps trying to force me to like matt or sumthing...i mean i do like the kid but i don't like him like that and shes worried about his feelings? blah blah blah blah blah...er...then when i tell him to stop asking me out, he fricking tells ceaton or corey to try to hook us up....NO!!!!!!!!!!!! what do u not understand, the n or the o....GAWD!!!!!

well....i talked to dj today...he called while ceaton, corey and matt were here...ceaton started yelling @ him, then he hung up and i called back and he swears that he didn't drug me but...idk...i can't see him nemore neway...i just...i feel so used...corey knows what i mean....

well...im gonna go...ummm..bye...Pray 4 Me...

<3jEsS*

Still wrong?!

2005-02-22T18:59:52Z

GRRRR!!!! LOVE SUCKS!!!!

So.....vacation's been very interesting lately...I started going out with Dj again....i know things have happened in the past, but it seemed to me he changed....well...again, i was wrong....

SUNDAY~I walked to coreys house and had to wake him up...he wasn't really feeling well...but we went to get dj and his brother jay. Jay's 24 but i think he just chilled with us cus he was interested in my sister...anyway, we came back here and chilled...dj was being sooo sweet and doing everything, i loved...soooo they went home and we were good...

MONDAY~ me and corey hung out for a lil while and went to get dj...we went to chill @ busys house and watched coreya and him play football...*interesting* lol corey....then we came back here and chilled...matt came over a lil later and we all just hung out...then corey and matt went to the store for my mom and left me and dj here alone...we kissed and stuff and watched tv, nothing huge...then he started putting his fingers in my mouth...don't ask...they came back and we went for a drive around went to elaines house, and took d home...right after he left, it started....i barely remember it, but i was crazy...and then i was crying and corey and matt told my mom....they think dj druged me...like with coke or acid...idk...but i woke up witht he biggest headache...and its gotten better, but w*e...matt checked on me this morning and corey texted me on the cell phone asking if i was ok...i'll be ok, but i guess u can say dj is my ex-bf now....so single...again....

anyway...i feel weird...it's the begining of vacation and it feels like the end...idk...matt and i are going to coreys hockey game...it's gonna be @ like 9pm...then i'll come home and go to bed...then wake up 2marrow and w*e...corey has to go to skool for the rest of the week but ceaton and allie are coming home tonight and i can prolly chill with them 2marrow....

well....im gonna go...i'll update 2marrow er sumthing....pray for me...

<3jEsS....+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

know_real_love @ 2005-02-17T14:37:00

2005-02-17T22:44:47Z

*Hey peoples....soOooOoOoOo....

Today was a good day. First, i found out i have a 93 in english! I mean, me, jessica, wow! Then, i went to earth science, i got some of my story done. It's turning out pretty well. My other one about wojo everyone liked but this ones about cutting so idk how it's gonna turn out.....then i went and saw mr wright. Today was her last day...she said i was her favorite student...YaY!!!!...CoOL!*!*!*!...but it was fun, i got to miss gym so it was kewl. Then i went to lunch, that was kinda boring, and so was clothing....then corey picked me up and we hung out will he had to go to work @ 4pm.

Things are acualy going really good....bring singles feels a little weird, but i'll live...It was so creepy seeing bobbie and timmie together today. I guess i finally know what the quote *you don't know what you got till it's gone* really means....but w*e...bobbie and him are cute together and they're happy...maybe it's for the best. I need my alone time and me and timmie are better off being friends....

I'm gonna have to live like a whole week without my ceaton and allie!!! GRRR!!! I heart both of yous and have fun in flordia....lol....i'll miss ya'll...

OK>>>>well im out. I'll talk to ya'll later. I gots to work 2marrow/saturday but i'll try to update...

Love jess*

A new begining

2005-02-16T22:39:52Z

SoOooOoOoO....I've been really different lately....idk...it's weird...

Guys Suck! Timmie and me had a great week, then he dumped me....it was a nice valentines day though. We're gonna stay good friends though....Then, theres wojo. I don't know anymore. I'm still like in love with the boy, but i dunno if i have another chance with him. Then theres boys that i like that are going out with my friends. It's amazing how love is snatched away by fate. I don't know...friends and family worry about me...but i don't worry bout me...i've always been known as the girl with the fake smile on my face. So i'll live with it, i'll get on without him...

Anyway....not much is happening. I miss my daddy. He's been gone for another month. He'll be home soon though...Me and mommy are doing great. we have our disagreements but we move on. It's been a long, HUGE step since oct, nov and erik....lol...

Well...corey, matt are over and we're gonna order food so i'll update later....

Love Jess*